Changing Luck

It looks like I may be passed over for testing this year. While my attendence has indeed been slightly patchy due to school, this is still a bit of a disappointment. It seems my luck is a bit cloudy in 2009 thus far, in more areas than one. My hope is that even if I get passed over, I continue to learn new techniques. While fighting will indeed keep me busy, I’d like new techniques as well. In the grander scale of things, I’m sure there is a lesson to be learned from my various “almost” adventures this year. I should increase my meditation for a while to help me get through this tough time.

Move and Block

I just realized something. The reason I’ve been having trouble with blocking and moving at the same time was because I was thinking, “block and move,” instead of, “move and block.” while they’re supposed to happen simultaneously, there will naturally be a slight delay in the latter item of the sequence. It makes better sense to move your foundation out of the way, and use the block as a supplement. I’ll test this next time I’m fighting and see what happens.

Meditating Water

Fortuitous circumstances left me at home for a few hours this morning.  The sunny weather and big conversation amongst the neighborhood birds inspired me to sit for a long-overdue 20 minute meditation.  I’m happy to say that the combination of being alone and the sun helped me to have a peaceful and pleasant sit.  Also, I think that the new direction via fighting has helped to pull some things together, albeit out of necessity.

During my meditation, I was happily accompanied by lots of clicking and relaxing in my spine.  Also, while my breathing was not completely seemless, it was less labored than it has been as of late.  In terms of visuals, I saw less of the green ball and more of a faint purple one.  Also, about halfway through, it seemed like I was looking at the reflection of trees in a pool of rippling water.  Perhaps this image was inspired by the very busy birds outside of my window, but I really felt like I was actually looking at a shaded version of of this pool.  After the closing bell chimed, this movement appeared again though it was more like the blackness itself was moving like water, rather than an image.  I had to focus on remaining relaxed, as my long history of motion sickness immediately pushed me to react to the visual movement with tensing up my body.  It was a back and forth dance on this last point, but I did manage to sustain my relaxation long enough to gently confirm what I was seeing.

Interesting.  I wonder where this is going.  There are subtle changes overall in the past month or so.  First it was different colored balls, then light, and now water.

Fighter

On Tuesday I was told, “Congratulations, you have now entered the world of fighting.” I couldn’t help but smile in the moment though my mind playfully giggled at the question, “Well gee, are we supposed to jump through a hoop of fire to mark our passage?” We did not start contact that evening, but instead had an excellent review of f-dancing. After class, in honor of my promotion, I foolishly mistimed a kick on the heavy bag and lightly sprained my foot. Why do I keep hurting myself in inane ways? hehe. Fortunately, I suspect it will heal quickly.

Light

Last night, the M gave me seated meditation. I had been given it previously by another instructor, but it feels more formal and special now that I’ve gotten it from the M. He had us sit in the middle of the room, on telephone books, to perform our practice. I was surprised by how long he left us there; it was 20 minutes. We had just had a T-day, so I imagine he wanted us to catch a bit of energy before continuing with the rest of class.

Something diferent happened. In the first part, I saw my usual green ball. Lately it has been incorporating new colors every now and then and last night there was a fuschia band wrapping around the ball. Then, all of a sudden, everything lit up in a whitish hue. At first, I thought that perhaps re flickering fluorescent in the corner had just switched on and caused this image, but given my position in the room, this is highly unlikely.

I told a friend of mine who said that this was a good sign. I’m curious to explore this further.

Just as a note, 2 days ago there was a bit if the black space collapsing that I’ve seen before. I don’t know if these two incidents are connected, but I thought I’d mention it.

Blue Green

20 minute sitting yesterday. Towards the final third, the green ball became a blue green wash and covered my visual plane completely. It wasn’t a blend as much as it was like soft static, comprised of blue and green dots. Always something new in the subtlties of things.

Osmosis

In 2008 I learned that, to some degree, no matter how hard one pushes, things just become absorbed over time. For example, it didn’t matter how much I practiced 8 directions like a robot. I left it alone for a month and poof!- it appeared. This just reminds me that there is indeed a certain aspect of mystery in the universe. With all the chaos in today’s world, I find this reassuring.

Renewal

Woke up early and meditated for the first time in months. I can feel that my breathing is not nearly as deep as it was previously. I intend to try not to fall off the rocker this coming semester. I really feel distant from my practice and I miss it. No clicking in my spine today and I didn’t feel as much of a physical change. It felt like a new start, so I imagine these things will return in time.

I’m in a strange place in my class. Several classmates have transferred and the remaining folks are not as dedicated. For myself, I seem to be caught in between stages. Since I am alone in the middle ground, I am getting grouped with the beginners. While I’m happy to continue practicing my techniques for a while without anything new, I do not feel I’m getting to practice at my level. I hope this changes soon because it will be a painful learning curve to dive right into the deep end of fighting without more blocking practice, etc.

Liquid Jade

My first sitting with my new jade pendant.  It was different.  I kept feeling like I was radiating energy and heat.  The other sensation, both visual and physical, was that things were liquid, that borders were not so clear.  I’ve been feeling this more and more when I practice.  Boundaries between my body and the rest of the world disappear at times.  Today, I didn’t feel a complete disappearance of my physical self, just a blurring of the lines.  Throughout my sitting, the jade stayed cool against my chest.  In fact, it seems to stay cool all the time so far.

Ballet

I realized yesterday that my practice is basically the exact inverse of ballet.  For ballet, the external was graceful but behind the scenes it was ugly and negative.  For my practice, the outside seems brutal, but behind closed doors it is open, peaceful, and fun.